Mirror Image

So lately I've been realizing that there's this unusual duality in my thoughts and personality that's quite... intriguing. It's not MPD, nothing like it, it's more like a left vs right brain type thing, even if technically the left brain is silent.

I always have two distinct train of thoughts that govern my behavior. One is driven in by logic, the left brain, which coldly calculates and infers everything thrown it's way, but doesn't totally exclude the right brain, as it has it's pessimism and generally counteracts the cold logic just enough to classify it as realism. I always listen to this one most, follow what logic dictates, and often times sabotage myself as a result, and on purpose. This line of thought never gives me much room for positive emotion or hopes, and despite clearly realizing everything I'm capable of, ultimately draws the conclusion that is for naught, and pointless. Of course, this is slightly inherited from being predominantly right-brained, for the seeming futility of all actions is only accentuated by emotions.

A rarer one, that I tend to keep to myself, is a more idealistic, softer side. Really it only gets to be expressed in my writing and art, for although it's the driving force behind my attempts at making a better future for myself, ultimately when influenced by this side, I tend to draw the same conclusion: That is all pointless. Probably -because- I am idealistic and I realize that it is too late for me to do anything, that my failure is set in stone, the only thing remaining to be determined is to what degree will I fail. The few instances I give in to this right-brained logic, I end up regretting and going back on each and every time.

In fact, I think a majority of my life can be summed up by a battle between this unique duality as I grow up and try to come into my own. Sadly, I think my life will be only a mere fraction of most other's, as the path in front of me is pretty clear xD

Sidenote: proof of this is if you look at the last post versus this one, you get a good idea of what I mean by the duality of my personality.