So I just finished talking to Xenia again, and the outcome's a bit... Interesting, to say the least. And in case I manage to link someone here who isn't aware, although I doubt it, but it's worth mentioning: I like Xenia.
Now originally she annoyed me, and quite a bit. I originally hung out in the ainex-staff channel on irc for a lack of anything better to do and fagsubbing had always provided a source of unique entertainment to me. Xenia wasn't anything too strange or unusual at first, incredibly shallow and obvious, I paid her little attention. Well, little attention to anything other than the fact she was rather amusing to talk to.
But anyways, as time goes on I end up learning more and more about her, the more I talk to her the more I realize that there's a lot more to her than meets the eye. And from what I heard, I gathered there's a whole lot more to her. At that point in time, it became something of my goal to figure out exactly what was below the exterior and learn more about her. Simply solve the mystery presented to me.
But as time went on I found a strange thing occurring. What was originally a chore to forward my own agenda and interests quickly became an enjoyable task and what I once considered annoying I now looked forwards. She truly was fun to talk to, and the more I found out about the more enamored I became. I truly began to like her at some point around here. Or so I thought.
I realized that what I felt for her might have been clouded by the idea of her I had built up. I was mesmerized so strongly by what I didn't know that I tended to exaggerate what I did know. Honestly, even I thought a t this point that it was a passing phase, that I would get out of it eventually. And so, both giving up on the project and giving up on it altogether, I decide to go and ragequit.
A few months later she shows up again, talking to me about this and that and fagsubbing. Originally, I found it annoying again, for all of twenty seconds. Before I realized that she still retained the ability to entertain me and make me laugh effortlessly. So I slowly gave in, I tried to fight and I fought it hard, I figured it was a stupid idea but I couldn't. And I eventually lost. So after making a giant fool of myself, I start talking to her again.
A few days ago, when talking about it, she asks me a question that I end up beating around the bush miserably with, getting absolutely nowhere. Funny part was that she knew the answer from the start, although it was pretty obvious, I guess. But anyways, this time the conversation played out differently. Instead of it being rather one sided and pointless, it carried both a genuine and a hidden feeling to it that told me there was something more. Her words said I had a chance, a slim one, but it was there. I was planning on taking it, until of course I found out it was a slight chance... The "height" issue she gave me, which although I do not doubt to be an issue, is not the deciding factor in here, I'd think. Of course, that slight chance would turn out to be false, so I think.
But anyways, I came out of it sort of with my feelings a mess because I knew I liked her, she was still this incredible person, and over the next couple of days I sort of let it foster in my mind and once again let her turn into a larger-than-life figure in my head.
Upon talking to her again, she told me “You know, you don’t really like me. You think you like me, but that’s all.” And all though at one point I would have agreed with her, I can say that such is not the case, not anymore. Although it is probably that it’s not as wild or as extravagant as I made it seem, nor strong enough to make her fall madly for me, it has potential.
I do know for a fact I still think she’s an awesome person; she always managed to cheer me up, and incredibly entertaining to talk to. I still believe that in the future, I may have a chance, but in order for that to happen I need to hammer out my feelings myself. I can’t rewind and take back the lulz over the top crap, and to an extent I don’t want to. I realize my chance is next to none, and I’m not even sure if I really like her to the extent which I say I do? But I do know this much: I want to know more about her, much more, and from there time will be the ultimate factor. Hopefully; I will win her over as she has me.
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